!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuckikkkkkk fuckmkk fcuk fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkk!!!!!!!!bfuck fduck fuck fuck kkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I look very weird, indeed, as this photo is very, very old. Talk about creepy! But the thing is, you really do begin to appreciate another person's features when you draw them. Something I deeply enjoyed drawing here was Steve's legs and his shoulders and arms. I never go far enough to draw them in a semi-realistic or closer-to-real way. Either way, I'm enamoured with how majestic this pic is - so I really wanted to draw Steve with similar energy and maybe change it a little. Not much was changed, but I do notice that you see more beauty in people when you draw them as they are and try to make it legible.
This isn't the first time I learnt this, though. I actually learnt this while drawing a nude picture of myself - where all my self-harm scars were visible alongside natural features like speckles of brown dots upon my skin, my stretchmarks, the creases in my skin where parts of my body move and all that. I don't know why I'm talking about this - humans are gorgeous creatures, I guess. When the world started to become ugly, drawing Steve reminded me that the world and all of us who live in it are beautiful. Or some bullshit like that.
Anyways, love yourselves and others. You're all gorgeous, yeah?
aaaughhgghhgghghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's a song title. i couldn't stop hearing it in my head.
I mean... I guess I do look like this when talking about topics of things that make me happy.
I can't sleep. Take this.
Today when I went out, I saw many things that reminded me of my friend Steve May. Two notable things I saw were cheese and a striped tee on a mannequin in the window of a clothing shop. When I see things that remind me of my friends, I get fuzzy warmth in my chest or an aching sadness that feels like a crater in my chest. Oddly, today, it was both. I think about my friends a lot and tend to think to myself, "I should be telling my friends hello," but I don't if they seem 'really, really-ultra-omega cool' to me. I just go home and think about the specific friend over and over again - or call them if they're online. But I don't if that person is busy and has a life. But sometimes I might, but not, but might... but not. I ate free cracker samples, steak and guinness pie, taiyaki with custard in it, apple slices and drank my last strawberry punch Jack Daniel's beer. Oh, and a pepsi. And whatever else happened today. I watched some anime with my friend over at this awesome blog. She's pretty cool.
That's pretty much it other than me taking the dog out to poo. Which also reminded me that Steve hates picking up doggy poo. I'm such an idiot sometimes it's laughable.
Peace for tonight.
(EDIT: it's autism because I hyperfocus, but maybe it's also BPD because I get emotional and cry over my loved ones. Just know that I love you all nonetheless.)
fuuckkkkkkk fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...
